Can we talk about telling the truth, friend? Cuz I'm struggling. I'm struggling because I need to see more of it going on around me. My own arduous journey out of people pleasing has been a very long and gradual progression. So I really do understand how hard it is.

Just as in any area of development - there is no quick fix. It takes time to learn new ways of thinking, acting, and responding. Two steps forward and one step back is usually how it goes. But if I take two steps forward and one back - haven't I still moved one step forward? It's all about progress, not perfection. When I first began learning this I did what many of us do. I over corrected. The pendulum swung from the far left....way too far over to the right! That's ok. It's normal. I kept trying, kept practicing, and improved incrementally. I like to remind myself that practice makes progress....and progress IS success! It's not about perfection. It's about progress. 

I wasn't always given to people pleasing. In my teens though I began to feel pressure to bend my reality in order to try to minimize rejection. At 18 I was introduced to a vibrant support group that helped begin my ascent out of the land of suffocation. I started learning tools that empowered me in the process of finding my voice again. We've all heard about the layers of the onion that the healing process is. My onion has been massive and the layers have melted gradually. So I completely understand that growth and restoration take time. 

I cannot define what anyone else chooses for their lives or environments. Learning that is liberating. It's also liberating to learn that I can control my own space, and who is or isn't welcome to have a voice in it. 

When others aren't interested in joining me here on this plane of mutual respect - their unwillingness can provide the clarity I need to recognize they may not a wise choice for my inner circle, at least for now. If I speak up and express that something makes me feel uncomfortable or misunderstood, the other person has an opportunity to allow space for me to ask for what I need. If they care enough to do that - now we have an opportunity for a miscommunication to be explained and cleared up. Or a mistake to be owned and apologized for (on either side). Or maybe I've been doing something I didn't realize, and need to hear about it so I can make an adjustment. Which then results in a richer and stronger relationship between us! Or, maybe they run over what I tried to share and they continue ranting, or belittling, or try to make a joke. Which means that if I want to maintain my peaceful and mutually honoring environment - I might possibly need to love them from a bit further of a distance than I wanted. Maybe I feel disappointed, or sad. Maybe extremely sad. I might wish it was different. But I can only choose for myself. I cannot make others' choices for them.  

Does the truth hurt? Sometimes. But never as much as having an inner circle that isn't made up of safe and supportive relationships. 

Love is always a choice. Even loving my self.