What is your mirror saying these days, friend? It matters you know.

Many years ago when I looked in a mirror - it wasn't good. Back in my 20's, in some ways my heart was blind. I couldn't see my self accurately. I thought my greatest strength was ruining the lives of others. I thought the best gift I could offer most rooms was to leave them. Seriously. 

It didn't matter how small my clothes were, when I looked in the mirror I only saw a much, much, much, much bigger girl. It didn't matter how beautiful others said I looked. When I looked into mirrors all I saw was a hideous, grotesque, deformed, ugly monster. Seriously. If there was a problem at a job, or in a friendship, or wherever - I was sure I had caused it. When someone said I was intelligent I was sure they just hadn't spent enough time with me to figure out how completely stupid I really was. 

The worst part of my blindness was how vulnerable it made me to those who didn't always have my best interest at heart. That's not to say I didn't also have some wonderful people in my world who loved me and genuinely cared. I did, thank God! It just meant that when there were some who didn't have the purest motives, I was very vulnerable. And it cost me greatly; financially, emotionally, physically, professionally, and relationally. 

Thankfully many years of healing-recovering-developing-and learning has restored my heartsight. I can see my self again. It didn't happen overnight. But it did happen. It didn't happen simply by the passing of time. But with ongoing effort, willingness, courage, and God's help, everything has radically changed. It's hard to even remember how dark the dark days really were. It's difficult to even remember the feeling of depression so deep it seemed hopeless, and almost ended in suicide. 

Back then I had no idea how valuable I was, how precious. Now, I do. Back then I truly could not see my self, inside or out. Now, I do. Now I know that when someone is repeatedly cruel, unkind, or insensitive, it's not because, "I need to try harder!" It's simply a reflection of who they are at this point in time. And it's okay to let them go, to whatever degree. 

When I look in the mirror now - it tells the truth. My heart sight is 20/20 now! These days my mirror shows me a woman who's sweet, caring, valuable, intelligent, competent, and so very worthy of love. The blindness is gone. And I wouldn't change what my heart sees now for anything. As a Life Coach, when I see my clients enjoying the fruits of their own internal work.....when I glance over at them and notice life holding up a mirror in front of them - and they look into it and see a reflection of themselves that is wonderful, worthy, and full of goodness - honestly, it just doesn't get any better than that!